what to disbelieve
When I experienced psychosis I had a string of hallucinations. Each different hallucination would come and go for a period of time, and then all would go quiet, and then a new one would arrive. What made them go, was me laughing at them! When I believed in them, and took them seriously, they persisted, but as soon as I disbelieved my eyes, they would disappear.
These hallucinations are like dreams: they can be visual, auditory, or even take the form of a physical sensation. That last, the physical sensation, is the worst, because it is the most difficult to disbelieve. The last hallucination I had took the form of the sensation that something was climbing onto the foot of my bed; I could feel the bed dip, and then the pressure on the bedclothes covering my legs. Even after I became familiar with it, I found myself having to switch the lights on just to check --- it just seemed so real. So, whereas most other hallucinations I could 'see off' in a matter of weeks, that last one lingered for a couple of years.
That hallucination was easy to spot, in that it was one of a series associated with psychosis, and when I did put the lights on, the hallucinatory nature of the sensation was revealed. The really difficult hallucinations are the ones we all experience all the time, but which are so real there is no way to tell that they are hallucinations.
---having said which, there is a way. In an earlier blog, I talked about dealing with negative thoughts, feelings and physical sensations. That is how one can spot hallucinations: disbelieve them and they go away. The surprising thing is just how much of what we experience is hallucination.
Two experiences are relevant here, both concerning physical pain. Twice in my life I have suffered pains in my joints, first in my right hip, and later in both elbow joints. The hip pain had been with me for many years, and might have been interpreted as early signs of arthritis, a disease my family are prone to. When I moved to the country, I made friends with some people who were fond of going for long walks. Naturally, I wanted to join them. At first I found myself in agony after only a few miles, but I was annoyed enough to find myself so inhibited, that I did not let the pain stop me. To my amazement, it simply disappeared.
With the elbows, after the experience with the hip, I decided to 'push my luck', so I took to using a rowing machine at the liesure cintre. For a couple of sessions, the pain became intense, and then, just like before, it disappeared.
Science in lethal in this regard, because it justifies illness, and makes it very difficult to say, I do not believe. But say it one must, or one will succumb.
It is profoundly true, that we are all victims of our own beliefs.
So, we can use this to our advantage: instead of just dismissing negative thoughts, feelings and physical sensations, we can create positive thoughts, feelings and physical sensations.---- think yourself well, think yourself young, think yourself happy.
These hallucinations are like dreams: they can be visual, auditory, or even take the form of a physical sensation. That last, the physical sensation, is the worst, because it is the most difficult to disbelieve. The last hallucination I had took the form of the sensation that something was climbing onto the foot of my bed; I could feel the bed dip, and then the pressure on the bedclothes covering my legs. Even after I became familiar with it, I found myself having to switch the lights on just to check --- it just seemed so real. So, whereas most other hallucinations I could 'see off' in a matter of weeks, that last one lingered for a couple of years.
That hallucination was easy to spot, in that it was one of a series associated with psychosis, and when I did put the lights on, the hallucinatory nature of the sensation was revealed. The really difficult hallucinations are the ones we all experience all the time, but which are so real there is no way to tell that they are hallucinations.
---having said which, there is a way. In an earlier blog, I talked about dealing with negative thoughts, feelings and physical sensations. That is how one can spot hallucinations: disbelieve them and they go away. The surprising thing is just how much of what we experience is hallucination.
Two experiences are relevant here, both concerning physical pain. Twice in my life I have suffered pains in my joints, first in my right hip, and later in both elbow joints. The hip pain had been with me for many years, and might have been interpreted as early signs of arthritis, a disease my family are prone to. When I moved to the country, I made friends with some people who were fond of going for long walks. Naturally, I wanted to join them. At first I found myself in agony after only a few miles, but I was annoyed enough to find myself so inhibited, that I did not let the pain stop me. To my amazement, it simply disappeared.
With the elbows, after the experience with the hip, I decided to 'push my luck', so I took to using a rowing machine at the liesure cintre. For a couple of sessions, the pain became intense, and then, just like before, it disappeared.
Science in lethal in this regard, because it justifies illness, and makes it very difficult to say, I do not believe. But say it one must, or one will succumb.
It is profoundly true, that we are all victims of our own beliefs.
So, we can use this to our advantage: instead of just dismissing negative thoughts, feelings and physical sensations, we can create positive thoughts, feelings and physical sensations.---- think yourself well, think yourself young, think yourself happy.
posted by joan @ 9:10 AM
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